I have not felt well. But no one must know. Bad dreams; yes dreams are all they are. As much as I'm ashamed to admit, I've avoided my son. I want to be there for him. He needs me. His vulnerability, his weaknesses are all too familiar. I see so much of Emily in him. And yet... I still.. blame him, for losing her.

We met in college, at Empire State University. I was the driven, selfish  entrepenuer. She was the young beauty, intrigued with the  "mystery", always trying to "figure me out." I met her in an English Literature class, which I hated, and she loved. Oh, how she loved poetrry and reading. I, on the other hand, leaned toward science, and burned with a desire to ask why... how? What a peculiar couple we made. And I never knew what I had, until she was gone. Emily was innocent, yet had a wild self-expressive exhuberance about her. She had a way of bringing me out of my dark place and keeping me from there. We were married right after graduation. As I struggled to rebuild Osborn Industries, with the help of my friend and mentor, Mendel Stromm, she was always there. But being the young foolish man, I was, I took it for granted. I remodeled the estate on Long Island, as all the while  she insisted it didn't matter. Fate smiled upon me as the company grew, but I spent more time away. Still I lavished her with jewelry, and  perfumes. I was too stupid to notice those things mattered not to this woman.

One cold winter day, Emily informed me I was to become a father. She was so happy. It terrified me. Perhaps it was the memories of my own father, and the inadequacies of our relationship, or it was merely a distraction from my objective... my goal to restore the Osborn name to its former place. I don't know, but one thing is for sure... that cold Feburary  day changed me forever...

During my time in the hos.... upstate, I was forced to confront ghosts from my past. The dead I had long since buried. This included finally dealing with the relationship I had with my father...

Amberson Osborn... how I hated that man. But not always. As I boy I worshipped him, like every son does his father at that age, I suppose. He continued the business of his father, my namesake. But dad wasn't cut out for business. He didn't have the stomach for it. He preferred to sleep the day away, staying up all night, drinking. Dad loved the night... the dark.

When I was but eight years old, he locked  me in a closet for three days, in the darkness...saying the dark "would make a man of me". Frightened half to death I had no choice but to endure, believing him to be right, believing he knew what was best for me. During the time I spent... in the dark, I thought about the fairy tale he told me as a young child. He told me it was one his father had told him, and his father before him... about... them.

The story goes, that if a young boy does not behave, does not do what he is told, that they would come for them, take him away, never to be seen or heard from again. It used to scare the HELL out of me. I would lie awake at night wondering if I had done anything wrong that day, frightened that I may have and that they would come for me. Dad said Grandfather called them "goblins".... I w------

Sent Mendell Stromm's ex-wife a fruitcake today. Stromm worked for my father at Oscorp Inustries long before he became my partner. It was with his help I was able to rebuild it from the ashes my dad had left the company in, before he... ah, an entry for another day.

Mendell was a chemistry and robotic  genius, and  instrumental in the company gaining  lucrative Defense Department contracts. He was a colleague of the world renowned nuclear physicist, Otto Octavius. (who I have repeatedly sought to come work for me over the years) But unfortunately he had a dark side; one I was unaware of until my loyal assistant Donald Menken advised me. Memory is still unclear, but I do recall my shock at finding out Stromm was participating in illegal activities, using questionable methods, and worst of all, embezzling to help fund his research.

Sadly, Mendell died of a heart attack before he could even stand trial for his actions. A part of me hoped he would somehow be found innocent. We went way back, and I consider myself someone who is loyal to long time contributors. Strange...I don't think he had spoken to his son in years...

Thankfully, I have someone as dependable as Menken who has done a marvelous job of running things during my... illness.

 I am feeling better now,and Osborn Inustries has never been healthier. Now if only  that son of mine would come around...

Doctor's office called. Missed my appointment... AGAIN.

Hamilton's nurse is... so attractive. Reminds me of... Emily.

What does Leeds want? Says we were working  on something. ??? I don't remember a "Fisk".

Harry is doing well. We seem to be closer than ever, at least since he was little. His little girlriend is lovely. That Peter Parker seems to be having a positive influence on his studies. Seems to be working, letting them use the apartment, the one that was sitting vacant anyway.

Been having the nightmares again... and the memory loss. Must call Dr Hamilton...